“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.” -Philippians 4:8
“I have never seen anyone delivered from anything they were focused on.” -Dr. Michael Wells
“God is a God of the present. God is always in the moment, be that moment hard or easy, joyful or painful.” -Henri Nouwen
A book titled “The Precious Present” was given to me 25 years ago by a friend. It’s a short book about how each moment is a gift, and how often we squander the gift by being focused on the past or the future. It was the first time that I had been challenged about where I placed my focus and attention.
For someone who was an anxious, control freak, and worrier, I had no time for the present. The past constantly haunted me and the future was always around the corner to threaten my security and my attempts to “control” it. I wanted to live in the moment. I tried to live in the moment, but my obsession with past and future kept getting the better of me. I found several reasons for that in my own life and some suggestions to help us all on this journey.
Anxiety and Agape Can’t Co-exist
When I’m unsure of God’s unconditional love, which is agape (if you haven’t read the first two parts in this series, please see part 1 for an explanation of agape), then it impacts every part of life. Anxiety and perfect love can’t co-exist. They’re polar opposites. They operate much like opposing magnets. Agape’s main desire is to bring you and me into soul rest, a rest that allows for true soul peace. Agape has no other motivation than to seek your highest good. The outer world may be pressing, and hurried, but the soul is at rest in agape. The true you in Christ, unconditionally loved and accepted, is at rest.
Just think of that. How would you feel to know you’re unconditionally loved, accepted, desired and embraced just as you are? It’s the truth. No longer controlled by the false you, feeling unloved and outside of God, driven by ego trying to control everything and everyone, (which is what I did). What a beautiful life that would be, to be at (soul) rest like a sheep who knows she’s watched over and loved by the Shepherd.
Agape gives you confidence and soul rest in every moment – even when the world batters and threatens. Agape allows you to live in the moment, enjoy the moment, because the moment is a gift. The moment as a gift is the evidence you’re agaped by God, even in the midst of difficult and trying circumstances. “As the Father has agaped me, so have I agaped you, recognize and live in the reality of My agape for you” (John 15:9).
When My Identity is Defined by the Past
When I’m unconvinced God seeks my good and accepts me as I am, then the past with its mistakes, defeats, failures, hurts and wrongs can become my focus and identity. If I went through several divorces, I may focus on that to the exclusion of the moment and its blessings. Someone who hurt me or took advantage of me can be the focus of my anger and blame. If I lost a loved one or friend, I may question God’s goodness and love for me. When we focus on these things, our identity becomes the hurt, failure or mistake. “Why can’t I do anything right?” “I can’t make relationships work, I’m a failure.” “There’s something wrong with me.” “I wish I hadn’t married that person.” “Why did God let that happen, He must not love me.” “I’ll never forgive them for what they did to me.” This can lead to an identity of, “I am not.” I’m not acceptable, not lovable, not worthy, not complete, not valuable. And this feeds a false narrative rather than the truth of your identity in Christ.
The more I focus on the past, the greater my anxiety and fear of the future.
Thankfully we’re not defined by our past, we’re God’s children, made in His likeness and image, wonderful, blessed and loved by our father God. Our true identity is not the hurts, pains and mistakes of the past, but our life in Christ Jesus. Our union in Him defines us above everything. Yes, those negative things did happen, people did offend and hurt us, but that does not determine our identity or our future, God has already done that in Christ Jesus. You’re loved, accepted, included, valued, complete and one in Him. The agape of God in Christ Jesus allows you to forgive others and yourself, so you can live in the moment free to be yourself.
Focused on Controlling the Future
Trying to control the future is directly tied to our relationship with God and view of ourselves. If the future is completely dependent on what I do and my efforts, then anxiety and fear is the result. If my identity is not firmly set in Christ and union in Him, then it will be on false identities that have developed over the years from traumas, offenses and disappointments that have helped to develop those identities.
For instance, suppose I struggle with a fear of rejection because of rejection from my parents or others in the past. If I have an important presentation to give at work, and I feel the extreme need for acceptance and approval of my ideas, I may obsess over every little detail in preparation for the presentation –to the degree that no one can be trusted with any of the details except me. I must be in control of everything so that I get the acceptance and approval I so desperately need and prevent any rejection that would confirm the feeling and false identity of being a reject and unacceptable.
When we see the agape of our loving Father, that He walks through everything with us and would never dream of leaving us alone and our true identity in Christ apart from our performance, then resting in peace in our soul is more natural. This is living in the moment, in the present, and enjoying who we truly are in Christ. Even if we fail, nothing changes our true identity and the love and acceptance of our God. We can enjoy this love and peace, even in the midst of the chaos of work and life.
Living in the Moment
The present moment is the greatest gift we can enjoy, because each moment is a gift from God. Agape love encourages us to live in the moment, because every moment is an expression of agape from the Father. That moment will never come again. I have found several things to help me live in the moment, while enjoying the unconditional agape love of my Heavenly Father. May they help you, too.
Meditation and breathing techniques have helped discipline my mind and body to remain in the moment. Meditation is something that is thousands of years’ old and has been practiced by people of many different faiths and cultures. At its heart, meditation allows you to be in the moment and to grow in your awareness. This reduces the fight or flight responses you’ve developed over time of reacting versus responding, which keeps you from enjoying each moment.
Contemplation and silence are a deliberate choice to focus my mind on the inner spirit in Christ and to listen rather than talk or do. We’re so driven to accomplish, achieve, or do something that there’s no time to simply be alone with God and listen. I like to take a single verse from scripture and contemplate the love of God for me and all that means. To be silent, listening to nature, appreciating the beauty of silence, and the freedom of saying nothing. In silence, let the Holy Spirit speak to your heart, knowing you’re loved and valued and precious.
I AM statements take me into my spirit and give voice to the reality of my identity in Christ. For example, in union with Christ, I AM loved, I AM valued, I AM accepted, I AM righteous, I AM peaceful, I AM powerful, I AM protected, I AM desired, I AM cared for, I AM forgiven, I AM adored. I do not ask for these things; I AM these things in my union with Christ! These I AM statements of my reality in Christ help to rewire my brain to the truth of my union in Christ.
Forgiving myself and others is like opening the dam that has held the waters of love back in my soul. Anxiety is fed by bitterness, anger, resentment, and unforgiveness. The moment I forgive and release the emotional debts I have held against myself and others, the spirit is free to work naturally in union with my soul, the person I truly am in Christ, and thus, through my body. Forgiveness cannot be overemphasized in recovery from the bondage of anxiety.
There are no magic pills or personal efforts that will cure anxiety overnight. The goal is to enjoy a relationship with Christ through our union in Him and His life in us. Consistent, unforced awareness of what God has done in Christ and your inclusion in that finished work and His unconditional agape brings rest rather than regrets of the past, worries about the future, and the constant underlying feeling of anxiety. The rest your soul longs for!